Welcome back to my February love stories series. In the run up to Valentine’s Day I’m writing as many love stories as I can based on some of these prompts.
Today’s story was inspired by this prompt:
They are the last two fertile people on earth. Problem is, they hate each other.
It’s short and (I think) sweet. Try it with a glass of Malbec and listen to No Children by The Mountain Goats. As always, if you enjoy it please do subscribe and share!
"Hi, Dr. Cunliffe? I'm Charlie - I'm the social worker assigned to Ms Cranbrook and Mr. D'Souza. I just flew in last night."
"Charlie, it's really good to meet you. Please, call me Ben. Is there anything we need to go over before we bring the patients in?"
"I don't believe so, no."
"That's great. I'll call them in now. Halle, Fergus, please, right this way. I think you've both met Charlie? Great. I'm Dr. Cunliffe, but please call me Ben. I'm the lead fertility consultant here at the clinic. And have the two of you been introduced to each other?"
"No. Nice to meet you, I’m Halle."
"Fergus D'Souza. Last fertile man on Earth."
"Wow."
"…OK. I just want to start by saying that everyone is enormously grateful to you both for being here. As you know, the situation is dire. As yet, after several rounds of fertility testing, you are the only two people we've identified as being capable of having children. It's now more than a year since the last baby was born, so unfortunately a great deal of pressure is on this project and especially on the two of you.
"We realise that this is a very stressful situation for you to be in. It's very strange, and it's very artificial. So with that in mind, we do want to give you the opportunity to get to know each other. Please take the next few days to enjoy the hotel, spend some time together, relax...and then we'll check in again in a week or so and discuss next steps. In the meantime feel free to ask me, or ask Charlie, any questions you have. We're here whenever you need us - like you I'm staying at the hotel just next door - "
"Me too - "
"- and Charlie is too, so that's great. Please reach out if there's anything at all that either of you need.
"Right."
"Awesome."
"Good to meet you both. Good to meet you, Charlie."
"Good to meet you too, Dr. Cunliffe."
“Ben.”
“Ben.”
***
"Here, let me - "
"Oh, well. Thank-you, very much. It's certainly a beautiful restaurant, isn't it?"
"I've been to fancier places than this."
"...Sure."
"Maybe I'll take you one day."
"Ahaha, yeah, maybe. But, um. I'm just really trying to focus on the positive, you know? We're in this...weird, weird situation. But at least we get to stay in this lovely hotel and eat amazing food."
"You're a lucky girl."
"...Right. So what are you thinking to drink? This wine list looks good - "
"Should you really be drinking wine?"
"Oh, well - I mean, I'm not really planning to get pregnant right away, like tonight, you know? The doctor didn't say - "
"No, I just meant...you know, calories."
"Calories."
"Right. Let me order you a - hey, excuse me? Yeah, the lady will have a vodka and diet tonic, and just a water for me, thanks."
"I - "
"I only ever drink water when I'm out. I spend way too much time in the gym to mess up my progress with a beer, know what I'm saying? But I think it'd do you good to have just a little alcohol. You seem a little tense."
"Do I."
"Sir, madam - here you are, a vodka tonic and a water. And are you ready to order?"
"Yes, I think we are. I'll get the rib eye with potatoes, and the lady will get the same but with a salad - "
"You know what, I won't, actually. I don't eat red meat, so I'll have the risotto, thanks. And a glass of Malbec."
“Very good, madam.”
"You don't eat meat? Aw, man. I didn't realise you were that type."
"Uh, yeah. It’s mostly for environmental reasons, also for health reasons."
"Oh, boy."
"You look very disappointed."
"That's all woke bullshit, you know. 'The environment' is just fine."
"Right. That's, ah, why the global birth rate has dropped literally to zero over the last five years, is it? That's an indicator of the environment being just fine?"
"Please. That has nothing to do with the environment. You know what really caused all this infertility shit, right?...Two things. One: vaccines. Two: fat people."
"Gosh."
"You know, you could smile a little. I'm making all the effort here. Which is pretty rich considering I'm literally your last chance on Earth to have a baby. Hey, what - where are you going?
"Hi, Ben? It's Charlie. I'm sorry to interrupt your evening, but I'm just downstairs in the restaurant and - things don't seem to be going very well."
***
"Good morning."
"Oh, so now you're talking to me? You know, Halle, this hot and cold thing is really unattractive. Nice guys don't like women who play games."
"I-"
"Halle, Fergus, this is Elizabeth. She's very generously volunteered to be our surrogate."
"It's so good to meet you. Thank-you so much for doing this. I can't thank you enough."
"No, I'm happy to be involved. How are you holding up?"
"It's - I don't want to complain. You're the one volunteering to put yourself through pregnancy. I just - I just can't do it. I never - I've never wanted - I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. Here. Listen, I don't want you to feel like you have to apologise to me. There's no reason you should have to go through pregnancy just 'cos you're the only one left whose eggs work. I'm lucky. I had my kids young - before all of this - I don't want any more of my own. But I had such an easy time, with all three of them. So if I can help, why wouldn't I?"
"Nice to see you again, Charlie."
"You too. I like your tie."
"Oh! Thanks, I like it too. It was a present, from my boyfriend. My boyfriend at the time. Ex-boyfriend. I'm not, I don't have a, we're not together now."
"The colour suits you."
"Thanks."
***
"Everyone, thanks so much for joining us. It's been a long few weeks, but we finally have some good news. I'm delighted to tell you that - well, Elizabeth, this is really your news to share."
"I'm pregnant!"
"Oh, that's wonderful. That's so wonderful."
"Knew it! My guys get the job done."
"Here, I brought this - don't worry, it's not for me - but I'd love for you all to join me in a glass before we go and talk to the press."
"Elizabeth, you're such a sweetheart. Are there any glasses in here?"
"I have some paper cups - ah. Only two of them."
"Well, you and Charlie have those, I'll go and - "
"I'll come with you."
"Uh, none for me, guys, I'm gonna head out and post this to my LinkedIn."
"Suddenly very quiet in here."
"Well done, Ben."
"Well done to you, too."
"Cheers."
"Cheers."
"..."
"Sorry. Got a bit carried away there."
"Charlie, I've been wanting to do that for weeks."
***
"OK everyone, sorry it's so crowded in here. Elizabeth, are you comfortable?"
"Bit sticky, but otherwise fine."
"So here we are...everything looks fine. There's baby number one...and there's baby number two."
"Oh my gosh."
"Isn't it amazing?"
"And it looks like - yep, it looks like they're both girls."
"Errrr, did you just assume their gender? Hahaha. What are their pronouns, am I right? Anyway - I'm outta here. You've got enough of Fergus's Finest to keep you going until we find some other guy who's not firing blanks, right? Peace."
"What about you, Halle? We're really grateful to you for agreeing to stay so long, but now we've reached this point we'd understand if you want to head home."
"Oh - well...Elizabeth, I was wondering, do you have anyone who can support you while..."
"Not really, but it's fine, you don't have to..."
"I'd like to stay, if you'd like me to stay."
"I'd like that."
"There you go, that's you all cleaned up. Just before you go, I have something important to ask Charlie, and I'd really like the two of you to be here for it."
"Oh my God."
"Oh my God."
"Oh my God."
"Charlie, will you - "
"Yes!"
***
"Have you got everything?"
"Changing bag. Car seat. About four million teddy bears and babygros."
"OK, great. Well, this is it. I don't know what to say."
"Me neither."
"I never thought I'd say this, but I'm really going to miss this hotel."
"Me too! I think I've forgotten how to cook. But it's just going to be so great to get the girls home."
"Thanks for everything, both of you."
"'Thanks' doesn't begin to cover it."
"Hey, thank-you too. I can't think of anyone better to - oh, I promised myself I wouldn't cry."
"Oh don’t, you’ll start me off.”
“Go on - we’ll let the four of you get going. Bye, sweetheart. Goodbye, precious. Bye Charlie. Bye Ben.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
“Bye. Drive safe, for the love of God.”
“What happens now?”
“Now we cross our fingers, I suppose. Did you hear on the radio this morning - there’s a woman in Finland who’s passed the first round of fertility tests.”
“My God. I hadn’t heard. That’s wonderful. But what I actually meant was: what shall we do now?”
“Let’s get a drink, shall we?”
“Glass of Malbec?”
“Don’t mind if I do.”