Day 1
Twenty-four.
Hell of a busy day. Overslept this morning, didn't have time for breakfast, Dad snapped at me to get in the car before I made us both late for work and when I said "don't talk to me like I'm a kid" he said "Alana, while you're still under my roof I'll talk to you how I like". Can't wait to move out - never thought I'd be engaged and still living at home but me and Charlie said we were gonna save up for a deposit and then for the wedding so that's what we're gonna do.
Work wasn't too bad, two care assistants off sick so I had to get in agency staff and then when they turned up both of them separately looked me right in the face and asked where the manager was, which you'd think I'd be used to by now but it still does my head in. I know I'm only 24 but I've worked here forever and I know what I'm doing.
Went out with Shona and Abi and Jules after work but only stayed for two drinks - Mum wanted help cleaning out Gran's house. Hope Mum and Dad don't hoard this much stuff. I don't want to go through all this again one day.
Day 2
Twelve
Erm...so I woke up this morning and I was literally 12?!
It was so weird. Like, my bedroom was exactly the same as it was when I was loads and loads younger - Taylor Swift and One Direction posters - but what was even weirder was that so was I? Like, I'm thinner and even a little bit shorter than I was yesterday and, er, I still have my braces in?! I got my braces taken out when I was literally 12 years old so I have no idea what's going on. I thought maybe someone was playing some weird prank on me for Halloween or something - is that even a thing? - but when I went downstairs and was like "er, guys, what the hell" Mum and Dad didn't even notice anything was different? And like, I can tell when they're winding me up, Mum's a terrible liar, I always work out what she's got me for Christmas.
I wasn't at work today thank God. Went out with Charlie in the evening and then we were supposed to go back to his but I felt really weird about it. He couldn't see anything different about me either but I was like, obviously I'm not gonna get off with you with braces in!!! Just hope everything's back to normal tomorrow.
Day 3
Six.
When I woke up this morning I was very scared because I was even more little than when I woke up yesterday, and I still had my pink Sleeping Beauty quilt from when I was little and my princess figurine wasn't on my window sill even though I remember getting it for my birthday when I was seven.
I was a bit scared to go downstairs because I wasn't sure what Mum and Dad would say when they saw that I was all little, but just like yesterday they didn't notice anything. Mum gave me a smoothie for breakfast and it was horrible, it had all green bits in, and when I asked if we had any Weetos she just looked at me funny and said we haven't had Weetos for years.
Then Dad said he was going to take me to work and then I got really scared, because I was so little I didn't know how I was going to be able to work all day like a big lady, and I cried a bit but Dad told me to stop being stupid and get in the car. So I went to work and all day I thought I was going to start crying again because I was so scared but nobody noticed and they all talked to me like I was a big lady and then Dad picked me up and we went home for tea and I hoped that when I woke up it would all have been a dream.
Do you want to know a joke? This is a joke. Why are pirates called pirates? Because they say ‘arrgh’!
Day 4
Three.
Mummy in my room, and Mummy say you get up now! And I say no, can’t get up today. Can’t go work today because I’m all little. And then Mummy say and then Daddy say. Get up get up get up. And I say no no no and makes me cry. Mummy cry as well and then Mummy bring me banana sandwich. Charlie come round later say what is wrong with you? Charlie try kiss me but I go no no get off. Maybe I be bigger tomorrow then I go work.
Day 5
One and a half.
Mummy?
Mummy bottle? Bottle now please?
Alana get in.
Daddy no cry. Aw, Daddy no cry.
Ta Mummy!
Alana no big. Alana little. No big no more.